Sadie's Story ~ Part 3

When I think about my children I always have an image of them smiling. Happy. Care free. It makes me overjoyed to think of them that way. I wouldn't want to remember them any other way. It hurts me when they are in pain or upset. Seeing Sadie almost broke me. Literally broke me. While we were waiting to see Sadie we made a few calls to family and friends to update them on her status. I remember calling my best friend Ashlei who was updating everyone else at home. I sat down and dialed her number. When she answered I told her that she needed to sit down. I explained what they had found in Sadie's surgery and that she was in PICU. We didn't know what was going to happen and things would be touch and go for a little while. We cried. I think that's when it really hit me just how much my little girl had gone through and how much fighting she still had left to do. Ashlei said that she would pass on the news and ask for more prayers. Prayers is exactly what we needed to get through this. God is good. He provided.

At 8 o'clock Craig and I were allowed to go back and see Sadie in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). We tried to prepare ourselves. I'm not sure how you can do something like that. When we walked in her room I cried. I tried not too, really I did. But there she was laying in a hospital crib hooked up to tubes, cords and all kinds of different monitors. Unable to breathe on her own. Still in a high critical state. I remember thinking to myself how good her color looked. She wasn't as pale as I thought she would be. She had nurses and doctors all around her. They wouldn't leave her side. I was amazed at the care she received. Craig and I kissed her little forehead and stroked her hair. The nurses told us that she could hear our voices. We talked to her and told her how much we loved her and that she was going to be okay. We took turns being with her so mom & dad could see her before visiting hours were over.

That Wednesday night was long. We were allowed to stay in her room. Craig & I didn't sleep at all. Doctors and nurses were in Sadie's room constantly. Monitor alarams would go off every now and then. When they would we would jump. Panic. We had an awesome nurse though. Ashley was her name. She was a very caring and compasionate person. She explained everything to us as we went along. Every now and then Sadie would wake up from her sedation. When she did she would look at us with panic in her eyes and try to lift her arms. But they had her arms tied down to the bed so she wouldn't wake up and pull her tubes out. The nurses would give her a shot of medicine in her IV to knock her back out. This happened about every hour. It was heart wrenching. We couldn't do anything to help her except pray. We did a lot of that. Prayer is what saved us.

Thursday was better. Her chest x-ray confirmed that her lung was healing well. Her heart rate and oxygen levels were beginning to stablize. The prayers were working. Dr. Ostlie, her surgeon, said that they were going to start weaning her off of the ventilator on Friday. We were excited. Getting her off of that machine meant that she would be able to be moved to a regular room soon. I couldn't wait to hear her cry again. I missed it. That afternoon they took some blood to test her hemoglobin levels and white blood cells. Her hemoglobin came back too low. A minor set back. She would now require a blood transfusion. We had come all this way without needing one. I was upset. She was doing so well, and now this. The transfusion took about an hour. I was amazed at the difference. All of her stats came up and they started to turn down the ventilator.

Friday was a great day. Around 11 a.m. they pulled her ventilator tube and got rid of her sedation medicine. Her little cry was so weak. We were able to start holding her. I was so nervous to pick her up. She still had 3 IVs and 6 incisions. We could only hold her a certain way. I will never forget when the nurse handed Sadie to me. He set her on my lap and we rocked. She put her little cheek on my chest and cuddled up as close as she could get to me. I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her while I (of course) cried. These were tears of joy. I felt like I could finally comfort her and help her. Something I wasn't able to do over the last few days. Craig was still too nervous to hold her. He played camera man and read books to her. When I would sing songs she would calm down and fall asleep. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to stay right there in that one calm peaceful moment. I could feel God telling me that it was going to be okay. Mom & Dad had a chance to hold her later during that day. Things were really looking up. Later that night around 9 we were moved to our own room, right across from the surgical clinic. We could breathe. She was out of the woods and we were going to be okay. It was going to be okay. To Be Continued...

Sorry...

We are in the process of moving and it has been CRAZY!!! I promise to write the next "sadie Story Update" as soon as I can. I'm shooting for Monday of next week, but we will see. Thanks for your patience.

Sadie's Story ~ Part 2

All children are gifts from God. No matter what thier situations are. Some children are born perfect with no health issues thier entire life. Some are born with defects that are easily fixed with a few bumps along the way. Other children are born with health issues that cause a shortened life span or pain and suffering for most of thier lives. Either way it's in God's hands. He has a plan for all of us. We have no control whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to control what happens to the ones I love, but unfortunately I can't. God gave me a refresher course on this lesson...

After walking away from Sadie and crying my eyes out, I calmed down and told myself that everything would be fine. Before Dr. Ostlie left I told him that I trusted him. Her life was in his hands. He himself responded, "She will be fine". Okay..so everything will be fine. That's what everyone kept telling me. Fine. Fine. Fine.

In the Surgery Waiting Room a scrub nurse (nurse in the operating room) will call the volunteers at a desk. They will call out the patient's name and transfer the call from the nurse to a little conference room. The family goes into that conference room and gets an update from the nurse. After the update you go back to your chairs to sit and wait for another update. Simple. Nerve racking. I didn't realize how badly I would want Sadie's name to be called out.

At 12:15 we got our first update. Surgery had started. The blood work had taken a while to do and the surgery ahead of us ran over. Dr. Ostlie started at 12. Sadie's vitals looked great. They would call us back in an hour with another update. We felt pretty good. Ate some lunch and visited with Mom & Dad. Called family to update them.

1:15. Family of Sadie Jones. Please take your call in Room 1. Sadie is doing great. Vitals look wonderful. Dr. Ostlie is doing well. We will call back in an hour with another update. No worries. Things are fine. Fine. I cried. Stress I'm sure.

2:15. Sadie is doing great. All of her stats look good. Dr. Ostlie had to pull out throascopiclly and make a bigger incision. Remember, the original plan was to go in thorascopiclly on her right chest-under arm area with a couple of 1/4" incisions and a microscope. The surgeon would hopefully be able to remove the part of the lung with the tissue in it, and remove the enlarged extra vein connecting it to the heart. 2 hour surgery. If he felt that he was unable to pull the "removed" part of the lung through one of the small incisions then he would pull out and make a bigger incision to finish the surgery. This was hour 2. Surely we will get a call in the next half hour saying that he his closing. A little knot formed in my stomach. It was a possibility, we knew that. We called a few people at home and gave them an update.

3:15. Sadie's vitals all look great. Dr. Ostlie is still working. It is shift change, so the next time you get a call it will be from a different nurse. Still working?? What does that mean? Did she have to have a blood transfusion? No. Is everything else ok? Yes. What's taking so long? I'm not sure. We will call you in an hour with an update.

4:15. Sadie has been under anesthia now for 6 hours. This is hour 4 of her surgery. We get an update call in the conference room. Sadie is doing great. Vitals look great. Dr. Ostlie wanted to let you know that the reason the surgery is taking longer than expected is because Sadie's anatomy is not what he expected. I asked the nurse what the meant. She said that she really couldn't go into detail because she didn't want to give us the wrong information. But Sadie was doing great. This is when I began to loose faith. The worry overtook my body. I got off the phone and just cried. I knew something was wrong. I also knew that that poor nurse on the other end of the phone couldn't tell me anything. I knew that Dr. Ostlie couldn't take a break from operating to explain to me what he had found. The next hour was horrible. I paced all over the waiting room with tears running down my cheeks. Watched other families leave to go to thier children in recovery. All the families that were there at 12:15 were gone. Others had filtered in for tonsil removal or other minor surgery. I really wanted to be one of them. In and out. I prayed. I prayed a lot. Our Father. Hail Mary. Just talking and pleading with God. Craig would just stare out the window or try to get me to sit. I was a wreck. We all were. We made a few calls to home to spread the word and ask for more prayers. All the prayers that we could get.

5:15. Dr. Ostlie is still working. It will probably be another hour. He's doing his best. Sadie is handling everything very well. I'm glad that she was. I had to hold on to that. But they aren't going to tell you on the phone whether or not your child is struggling during surgery or having any complications. I didn't know at this point whether or not Sadie was going to come out of that operating room alive. There were moments (that we found out later) that Dr. Ostlie thought the same thing. I sat in that waiting room chair that thought to myself, what if I don't get to take her home? How do I explain this to my other kids? I know something is wrong, but nobody can tell me anything. Can I just say stop, I don't want to do this anymore?? Just put Sadie back the way she was so I can hold her and give her kisses. I wish I would have done more of that before I handed her off for surgery. This by far was the worst day of our lives. The stress alone was unbearable. If my parents wouldn't have been there I'm not sure Craig and I could have made it. They made us focus on the positive and keep our hope alive. Then they called Sadie's name again.

6:30. Sadie Jones. I ran. Literally ran to the phone. All of us did. The scrub nurse said that Sadie was doing well. Dr. Ostlie was closing. I began to cry. The scrub nurses voice cracked. I could tell that she was tearing up to. She said that Sadie was ok and that Dr. Ostlie would be out to talk to us in a few minutes. It was over. The surgery was over. I hung up the phone and hugged everyone and cried. I fell to my knees and couldn't catch my breath. I knew that it wasn't over by a long shot, but she was ok. I kept telling myself that. She is ok. We get to see her. She is ok.

6:45. We were taken into a large conference room to meet with Dr. Ostlie. When we walked in the door he looked exhausted. The first thing that he said was, "She is one tough little girl". He sat down and explained the surgery to us and showed us some pictures. When he went in thorascopiclly he saw that Sadie had 8 veins, each one the size of two ink pens put together, that were connected from her lung to the lower right ventricle of her heart. He called in a cardiac surgeon to assist in her surgery at this point. He had to pull out and make a 5" incision to finish the surgery. 6 of the 8 veins had to be removed. While they were removing them he was surprised that she didn't go into cardiac arrest because of the amount of blood supply that they were taking away from the heart. A normal lung is divided into 3 lobes (upper, middle, lower) by fissures. These fissures could not be seen on the outside of Sadie's lung. Dr. Ostlie and the cardiac surgeon removed Sadie's lung from her body and put it on a table. For 4 hours they slowly dissected her lung until they could make out where her lobes were supposed to be. They removed her lower and part of her middle lobes. They they had to reconnect 2 veins from her lung back to her heart. The total surgery took 6 hours. Sadie had been under for 8. Dr. told us that Sadie would be in ICU for a while on a ventilator. Her lung was pretty beat up and couldn't work on it's own. Things would be pretty critical for a while. Her hospital stay would now be 5-7 days, maybe even longer. Craig asked if there were any other complications that he was worried about. He said that there was a lot that he was concerened about, but that was for him to worry about and not us. He was pretty confident that she wouldn't need another surgery, but time would tell. We made a few frantic and teary phone calls and headed up to PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) on the 2nd floor. It would be a few more hours before we would be able to see her. Once we did it broke my heart..... To Be Continued.

Sadie's Story ~ Part 1

Many have been asking for this, so here it is. I will post it in a few different installments. I hope that our story will be able to help reach out God's hand and touch someone's life.

Tuesday May 11th. We left home around 2:30 for Kansas City. I begged Craig to let me drive up there, but he has a complex about letting me drive long distance. I'm not a bad driver. (No comments here Josh...lol) Maybe it makes him feel husbandly or something. Who knows.

Our first stop would be at Benton, Kansas to meet up with my mom & dad. They were generous enough to offer to stay in Kansas City with us while Sadie had her surgery. The plan was for them was to head home after Sadie was up and around. Probably on Thursday. After meeting up with them we headed up to our hotel in KC. Sadie did very well with the car ride. She slept for the first hour. The rest of the trip was spent listening to the radio and eating Cheetos & Reeces Pieces. She was headed in for surgery...she could have whatever she wanted! :)

We got to KC around 6:30 and checked into the Hyatt. It was the closest hotel to Children's Mercy Hospital. The staff was awesome!! We told them our situation with Sadie and they were more than willing to work with us. They gave us discounted rooms, waved parking fees and always asked mom & dad how Sadie was doing. Wonderful people there!! After checking in it was on to Crown Center for dinner and back to the room to relax a bit. Sadie ate a few chocolate chip cookies and watched one of her Baby Einstein DVD's. Love those things. Sadie ate her last cookie and drank her last sip of milk at 9:30. No more for her until after surgery.

I didn't sleep well at all that night. I was up at 3:10 writing down questions and just going crazy with knots starting to form in my stomach. At 6:40 I finally woke Craig up and we gave Sadie her last dose of Flovent (asthma medication) and gave her a shower. We checked out of the Hyatt (Craig & I - Mom & Dad stayed there the whole time they were in KC) and headed over to Mercy Hospital and checked into Same Day Surgery. All surgeries have to check in here reguardless of whether or not they are expecting a hospital stay. Her check in time was scheduled for 8:30. Those that know me shouldn't be surprised that we were there and checked in at 7:40. :) Craig & I were ready to get this thing over with. The wait wasn't too long. At 8 they called Craig, Sadie & I back to check her vitals, weigh her and talk with all the 5 doctors that wanted to see us. Mom & Dad had to wait out in the waiting room until it was time to take Sadie to surgery. Sadie's weight was 9.7 kg. (Please dont' ask what that is in pounds...I have no idea.) All of her vitals looked great. We waited in room 11 for the doctors to start filing in.

The first to come was an Anesthia Nurse Prationer. She asked lots of basic questions about Sadie's health history and what not. Next the actual Anesthiaologist came in to explain our choices of medication during surgery. They offered us the option of giving Sadie and epidural. Craig & I weren't comfortable with it. There were too many risks and complications for us. We opted for IV drip medication along with gases through a mask for inital sedation. She would get the mask as soon as she was brought back for surgery. After she was asleep they would draw blood and put in IVs. We were relieved that she would be feeling any pain.

Next were Dr. Ostlie and his fellow Trish. They marked her right lung with a purple "x" and explained her surgery. He said that the blood work done before her surgery would take some time. Blood would also be prepared in case she needed a blood transfusion. He planned on going in thorascopicly (sorry about the spelling) first and then make a 2 inch incision if the need arised. That would be the case if he felt that the surgery was taking a little too long. Surgery would last 2-3 hours. He expected us to go home Friday morning.

Sadie feel asleep shortly after that. At 10 they brought Mom & Dad back and we walked Sadie to the hallway where I had to hand her off for surgery. Cindi is the name of the nurse that took her. She didn't wake up when I handed her over. We kissed her good bye and told her good luck. I cried. I was scared. We had no idea what we were in for. It would be a long day. Lots of tears. Lots of praying and pleading with God. We didn't have any idea that things would get as rough as they did. To Be Continued.....

Where did it all come from??

I'm packing today. And every other day this month. =) But today I realized how much "stuff" we have actually accumulated. Honestly, some of it I hadn't seen since we moved into this house. Why do I save everything? Cards we got from our wedding...college photos still in frames of people I haven't seen in years. Macroeconomy books from classes that I took 10 years ago. What's the point? It must have been important to me at one point in my life. But now not so much. Good will be glad to see me pulling around the corner next week with a whole car load full of "memories" to pass onto them. You think they would take the 100+ stuffed animals my kids have?!?!? Lol.....